Despair vs. Hope

No one is immune to the effects of despair.

Money, fame, success (however it is defined), health, strength, friends, family – none of these things can insulate the soul from the inevitable encounter with despair.  Observe the people who commit suicide – many are famous, beautiful, rich, and young.  It would seem that they have everything to live for, and yet, they did not feel they could go on.

Merriam-Webster Online defines despair as the loss of all hope or confidence.

Repeated failures to achieve success or maintain relationships, or even to accomplish personal goals in day to day life, can lead to a feeling of despair – a belief that things will never look up, that you will never see daylight.  In other words, the loss of all hope or confidence.

Every person reading this blog has heard the knock of despair upon the door of his or her consciousness.  We have all heard that whispered suggestion in our minds that perhaps we were wrong about ourselves, wrong about others, and perhaps we don’t know what we are doing after all. 

Sometimes the despair is exacerbated by physiological factors such food choices, lack of sleep, or lack of exercise.

Sometimes despair is felt when contrasting one’s own life circumstances to those of others whom we deem to be examples.  Comparison of ourselves to others is a tricky and dangerous baseline.  The comparisons are usually not valid, even if we feel they should be.

Sometimes the despair is a result of extended isolation or loneliness.

The key to surviving despair-- whether you are a famous person, a rich person, or a lonely person – is to be able to believe that the despair is temporary, in the same way that storm clouds are temporary.  Physical storms come and go, bringing clouds, rain and lightning.  Emotional storms also come and go, bringing despair, anger, discouragement – but if we can wait the storms out, and not lose hope or faith, the storms will pass. 

The despair need not be permanent. 

Sometimes all we need is one more day to see things differently.  Sometimes a phone call, or a song, or a movie, or book can lift the shades of discouragement and despair, allowing the light of hope to shine through.

Despair cannot flourish in the presence of hope.

 

So if despair is knocking on your door today, don’t answer it.  Don’t argue.  Don’t engage.  Simply wait.  Wait for another day, another hour, another minute. 

Because as long as we have life, hope can arrive at any moment, banishing despair.

Friends and Acquaintances of John Mayer

When does an acquaintance become a friendship?

Why do some friendships last while others lapse?

When I joined the now extinct John Mayer Fan Club (Local 83) in 2004, I became acquainted with a group of ladies and a few guys, all of us connected by our love of Mayer.  The adventures we had trying to secure concert tickets, meet up and coordinate concert attendance remain as some of my favorite memories.

We began as virtual acquaintances on a message board which is no longer. We created our own message boards, as our own informal fan club continued.  As message boards became less than Facebook, we migrated to Facebook and many of us have remained in contact there.

Over the years, some of us have changed and our circumstances have changed.  Jobs have been gained and lost, degrees have been conferred, husbands and boyfriends have come and gone, children have been born and are growing up.

And through it all, our love of John Mayer has remained, and our little informal fan club has remained in contact for almost 10 years.

What causes acquaintances to turn to friendships, and what causes those friendships to remain? 

Even though we all love him, there has to be more than John Mayer holding us together.

Perhaps those of us who are drawn to the same artist have similar souls. Perhaps we understand each other and enjoy each other's company.

John Mayer is now touring for the first time in three years.  Some of us will get together to attend his concerts.  We watch as the front row and center seats, which used to be available to us through every presale, go to radio stations and event planners.  And yet, we still come, though we are pushed off to the sides, literally. We make do with lesser seats than the fan club offered us, but we still try to get as close as we can to the stage.  Usually the best we can do is a few rows back and off to the far left or right, and that's only if we log on at the moment the tickets go on sale -- right at 10 am through Ticketmaster.  The precious front and center seats are never made available to us anymore.

John Mayer:  We are glad you are back and that your voice has returned. We are your informal, formerly formal, nameless fan club.  We are your friends, though you have only met some of us in passing at meet and greets, and observed us consistently on the front rows of your concerts a few years ago. Through our friendship with you, we have found friendships with each other that remain.