Social Media, Perception and Dishonesty

Our society puts a lot of value upon image.  Therefore, others' perceptions of us (their image of us) will influence how we are treated.

Science has shown that those who have symmetrical features are considered the most beautiful, and receive advantages in society.  Those who are the most beautiful are often viewed as being intelligent and having other positive traits.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness

In the past few years, social media has offered a way for each of us to manage others' perceptions of us -- including people we have never actually met in person.  The stories abound of catfishing -- that is, those who believe they are talking with a person who looks a certain way and then upon meeting that person, find out their virutal acquaintance is not nearly as attractive as they were led to believe.  This is achieved with false pictures and a desire to present oneself as beautiful -- then reap the rewards of the beautiful, at least temporarily.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)

I don't believe anyone is totally honest or open on Facebook.  It would not be wise to put your whole life on an internet driven site.  Therefore, everyone is editing, to some degree, what is viewed by others on their pages.

I have noticed that most posts are about positive things -- accomplishments, social events, family gatherings, and so forth -- the kinds of things that can yield praise from others.

I have noticed that when some people who might be experiencing difficulties post about their problems, they sometimes receive advice that is not so much helpful as it is irritating.  I think this is in part because people don't want to read about negative things that other people are experiencing.  In part, I think this is because there is nothing they can do about it, and perhaps they are uncomfortable just saying, "I'm sorry, is there anything we can do?" 

In other words, as long as you post happy things, all is well.  If you post difficult things, be prepared for mixed reactions and even misunderstanding.

I have found the best way to manage difficult discussions on Facebook is through private groups -- limit your personal sharings to those you trust.

I also think it is worth considering that perhaps you don't need to read all about others' lives--especially if you start feeling like there's something wrong with you because you don't have a bevy of beautiful, sparkly friends, and a perfect family.  Just remember--the people posting those things don't have perfection, either -- they are posting what they are comfortable sharing, and they are managing others' perceptions of them.

It is also worth remembering that people are not posting pictures of themselves without makeup, at their worst point of the day -- they are posting their best pics, usually hoping for compliments.  Therefore, to compare yourself to others on Facebook is to do yourself a disservice.  No one looks like their best pics all the time.  (See Stars Without Makeup pics.)

I have gotten liberal about deleting profiles of people from my friends' list who feel the need to use Facebook as a negative campaign for issues about which I can do nothing, or to scold others who don't believe the way they do.  Life is too short.   Reading all that junk, and cluttering up my mind, and perhaps even getting upset even for a minute is time lost I can never get back.

So remember:  You should control your Facebook, and what you post, and who views it.  Extra personal things are probably best posted privately to a private audience.  And most importantly:  Remember that everyone else is not living the perfect lives they portray on Facebook.

Regrets

We don't have to go too far in life before we are faced with regret -- as a result of our own choices or others' decisions.

Regret is painful.  There is a sentiment expressed by some that it is better to regret things that are done than things that are undone. In other words, the things undone represent the road we never took and these things haunt us, because we do not really know where it might have led.  We fantasize that our pain, lost relationships and other problems might have been minimized or avoided had we taken a different path.

What if we had chosen a different marriage partner?  A different school? A different job?  A different city in which to live?

Some decisions carry more weight than others.  The choice of a  marriage partner can affect and influence the rest of your life -- for better or for worse.

The choice of a school can determine personal and professional connections for years to come.

The choice of a job can drive the rest of your career.

The choice of a city in which to live can determine many things -- the culture that influences your daily life, the weather and your safety, and the friends and organizations that are available to you.

What do we do when we find ourselves washed up on the shores of regret?  We all face regrets -- the boyfriend we let get away, the job we turned down, the opportunities we might have missed.

I believe when we pine for that which we feel we have lost, we are basing our pain on a misguided belief that another choice would have led to different results.  This is not necessarily true.   The truth is, we cannot possibly know where those other roads would have taken us.  It is possible that they would have ended in a dead end, or in other pain which we have not imagined.

The mentally healthy road accepts regrets as normal, but does not languish there for too long.

For it might be that the road we are taking now is the best one we could have chosen.