Most of us have Facebook accounts. Most of us probably log in every day, or even multiple times daily, to check on our friends and see if anyone is trying to communicate with us.
However, I have begun to wonder if there is a hypervigilance associated with being glued to Facebook.
"Dr. Kathy Charles and her team of Psychologists at Edinburgh Napier University studied 200 students and their Facebook habits and found that an unexpected number of users experienced some sort of negative effects from the social network."
http://www.tomsguide.com/us/facebook-twitter-myspace-foursquare,news-10171.html
The stress and anxiety Dr. Charles noted was related to friend rejections and feeling the pressure of posting with so many people looking on-- and the stress increased with the number of Facebook "friends."
I have begun to wonder how much of our lives we are giving away to a virtual universe (Facebook) in which most of the players are virtual (we may have never met them in person) and whose comments, posts and opinions seem to carry so much weight.
If we are placing a heavy value upon our Facebook friends' opinions, so much so that we are upset when they ignore us or unfriend us, how does this benefit our life? Is this the healthiest path we could choose?
Miller's 1956 paper on working memory revealed that human beings can process 7 objects in their working memories, give or take another 2.
Miller, G. A. (1956). "The magical number seven, plus or minus two: Some limits on our capacity for processing information". Psychological Review 63 (2): 81–97. doi:10.1037/h0043158.
If we, as Miller (1956) noted, can only handle 7 objects in our working memories (give or take 2), what are we doing we when we spend hours on Facebook every day, skimming others' activities (of which we are not a part) instead of living our own lives?
What would happen if we choose to ignore Facebook for 2 or 3 days? Would our anxiety levels decrease? would we really miss anything important?
There is no doubt that Facebook is being used to help people, raise money for worthy causes, and effect social change in areas where political adversity restricts communication.
For most of us, though, it might be that a Facebook break would be a nice gift to give ourselves if we feel stressed and anxious.
Of course the irony is, I will post this blog on Facebook. :)
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Untie the Knots
As I was cleaning today I found a cat teaser toy tangled up in the thick cord of the carpet cleaner. The teaser toy had a long, thin plastic handle, a long string and a furry toy at the end of the string. Somehow, the string had gotten wrapped around the heavy black cord of the carpet steamer and the string was separated from the teaser handle. But it was all tangled together, intertwined in the carpet shampooer's electrical cord.
I tried to pull it loose, but to no avail. I stopped vacuuming, sat down on the floor, and examined the string. It was knotted, in several places. Hearing the jangling of the toy on the end of the string, the baby kitten came over to investigate. She knew this was her toy but she couldn't get to it. How it got this tangled, wrapped over and over and under several layers of cord, was beyond me.
I had two choices: Cut the string and ruin the toy, or methodically untangle it to preserve the toy.
I chose the second option.
As I sat quietly, with baby kitten looking on, detangling the knots, looping and unlooping, I suddenly realized the metaphor I was holding in my hands.
I have been dissatisfied with my progress in life, thinking of the "shoulds" with which I pressure myself: cleaning the house, losing weight, finishing dissertation and so forth. There are probably two dozen "shoulds" that pop into my head every day, holding forth the never attained promise of...perfection?
The burden and pressure of a perfectionistic ideal is a heavy one to bear. And -- it is unrealistic and places the target person in a state of anxiety.
Our society expects everything "on demand." Entertainment, internet and many other things are marketed just that way -- instantly, "on demand" -- with one click, you may have what you are looking for. If you are sick, take a pill on demand. Want a movie? You are one click away. Want a date? One click. Need medical advice? Click to WebMD. Want to chat with loved ones far away? Skype them, with a couple of clicks. Want to lose weight? Take a pill or have surgery.
As I patiently and quietly detangled the little teaser toy, with baby kitten looking on expectantly and hopefully, suddenly I saw that LIFE is a series of tangles and knots. We are born into imperfect families. We learn to walk by falling down over and over, until we -- through a series of failures -- gain our balance. Through trial and error we learn to shoot basketballs, ride horses, play the piano, or even make friends. If one person doesn't like us, we move on to the next potential friend.
Our society has lost the concept of building through trial and error, of making progress through our mistakes. Lessons learned through patience are lost. If we can't see the results immediately, we walk away and throw away what might have been.
Maybe today, on Christmas Day -- a day of promise, hope, good cheer, kindness to all -- we can recognize the knots and imperfections in our lives not as failures, but as problems to be solved. These problems will require time to solve and the knots will not disappear overnight. If we were born into a troubled family, it will take time to understand the dynamics and learn how to build a new network of support. Part of the detangling is learning not to blame ourselves for the messes around us. Sometimes they are not our fault. Sometimes, they just are.
But every problem, every knot, is an opportunity to learn new skills and gain a new understanding. If you were never rejected, you would not understand another's heartbreak. If you had been born into a perfect family, you would have no concept of the difficulties those who struggle with dysfunction face. Instead of asking "Why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?" Ask instead, "How may I understand this, and bring light to this situation? How might I untie this knot?"
The prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assissi embodies this response:
I tried to pull it loose, but to no avail. I stopped vacuuming, sat down on the floor, and examined the string. It was knotted, in several places. Hearing the jangling of the toy on the end of the string, the baby kitten came over to investigate. She knew this was her toy but she couldn't get to it. How it got this tangled, wrapped over and over and under several layers of cord, was beyond me.
I had two choices: Cut the string and ruin the toy, or methodically untangle it to preserve the toy.
I chose the second option.
As I sat quietly, with baby kitten looking on, detangling the knots, looping and unlooping, I suddenly realized the metaphor I was holding in my hands.
I have been dissatisfied with my progress in life, thinking of the "shoulds" with which I pressure myself: cleaning the house, losing weight, finishing dissertation and so forth. There are probably two dozen "shoulds" that pop into my head every day, holding forth the never attained promise of...perfection?
The burden and pressure of a perfectionistic ideal is a heavy one to bear. And -- it is unrealistic and places the target person in a state of anxiety.
Our society expects everything "on demand." Entertainment, internet and many other things are marketed just that way -- instantly, "on demand" -- with one click, you may have what you are looking for. If you are sick, take a pill on demand. Want a movie? You are one click away. Want a date? One click. Need medical advice? Click to WebMD. Want to chat with loved ones far away? Skype them, with a couple of clicks. Want to lose weight? Take a pill or have surgery.
As I patiently and quietly detangled the little teaser toy, with baby kitten looking on expectantly and hopefully, suddenly I saw that LIFE is a series of tangles and knots. We are born into imperfect families. We learn to walk by falling down over and over, until we -- through a series of failures -- gain our balance. Through trial and error we learn to shoot basketballs, ride horses, play the piano, or even make friends. If one person doesn't like us, we move on to the next potential friend.
Our society has lost the concept of building through trial and error, of making progress through our mistakes. Lessons learned through patience are lost. If we can't see the results immediately, we walk away and throw away what might have been.
Maybe today, on Christmas Day -- a day of promise, hope, good cheer, kindness to all -- we can recognize the knots and imperfections in our lives not as failures, but as problems to be solved. These problems will require time to solve and the knots will not disappear overnight. If we were born into a troubled family, it will take time to understand the dynamics and learn how to build a new network of support. Part of the detangling is learning not to blame ourselves for the messes around us. Sometimes they are not our fault. Sometimes, they just are.
But every problem, every knot, is an opportunity to learn new skills and gain a new understanding. If you were never rejected, you would not understand another's heartbreak. If you had been born into a perfect family, you would have no concept of the difficulties those who struggle with dysfunction face. Instead of asking "Why me?" or "What did I do to deserve this?" Ask instead, "How may I understand this, and bring light to this situation? How might I untie this knot?"
The prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assissi embodies this response:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
- O Divine Master,
- grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
- to be understood, as to understand;
- to be loved, as to love.
- For it is in giving that we receive.
- It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
- and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
- Amen.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Processing Tragedy from Afar
The shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School have brought the nation and the world to attention. News media and journalists are scrambling to sort the facts, make sense of the tragedy and endeavor to find reason or cause for the violence.
In the wake of the horror and devastation, many will remain glued to their TV's, smart phones and tablets, hoping that a new piece of news might make more sense of this senseless crime. Those with children will not be able to avoid empathizing with the parents in Connecticut. Everyone is horrified at the attack upon innocent, small children -- babies, really.
Some will use this time to argue for or against gun regulation. Others will point out that the gunman was mentally ill, and begin a discussion on the social issues surrounding how our society manages those with mental illnesses or personality disorders.
I propose that this is not a time for heated emotional debate. We can do nothing to change the events of yesterday. There might be measures we can implement to close the security gaps and prevent future tragedies such as this one, but we cannot do it today.
For today and the immediate days following, it would be wise to limit exposure to the repeated news stories flooding the airways concerning this horrific event. Constant checking for new stories can lead to anxiety and worst of all -- missing your own life moments with your own family. Check in every twelve hours or so for new developments. Make a deliberate effort to avoid dwelling on this terrible stories, and instead focus on doing something positive for yourself and for others.
Honor the memories of thoser who are lost by living in the present, and protecting and loving those who are still with us.
In the wake of the horror and devastation, many will remain glued to their TV's, smart phones and tablets, hoping that a new piece of news might make more sense of this senseless crime. Those with children will not be able to avoid empathizing with the parents in Connecticut. Everyone is horrified at the attack upon innocent, small children -- babies, really.
Some will use this time to argue for or against gun regulation. Others will point out that the gunman was mentally ill, and begin a discussion on the social issues surrounding how our society manages those with mental illnesses or personality disorders.
I propose that this is not a time for heated emotional debate. We can do nothing to change the events of yesterday. There might be measures we can implement to close the security gaps and prevent future tragedies such as this one, but we cannot do it today.
For today and the immediate days following, it would be wise to limit exposure to the repeated news stories flooding the airways concerning this horrific event. Constant checking for new stories can lead to anxiety and worst of all -- missing your own life moments with your own family. Check in every twelve hours or so for new developments. Make a deliberate effort to avoid dwelling on this terrible stories, and instead focus on doing something positive for yourself and for others.
Honor the memories of thoser who are lost by living in the present, and protecting and loving those who are still with us.
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