Thursday, November 22, 2012
Single and Thankful
Not everyone will be making merry with a group of friends and family during the holiday season.
Some people are single, and also isolated from their friends and/or family.
Our culture imposes an expectation upon everyone to seek out others for celebrating in holiday cheer. There is an automatic response of pity and concern if a single person is discovered alone on a holiday.
Sometimes single and alone during a holiday is not pitiable.
Sometimes single and alone during a holiday is preferable to family conflicts or drunken gatherings.
Sometimes single and alone during a holiday is refreshing and rejuvenating.
If you are single and alone during this holiday, consider your blessings. Do not give in to the media and society's pressures and consider yourself to be pitied because you are alone.
If you view your quiet days as opportunities to spend any way you wish, with no outside pressures or obligations from anyone, what would you do?
How would you feel knowing you have been given a gift of a free day to do anything you like, in the midst of a busy and hectic world, before you find yourself rejoining your regularly scheduled activities?
Make a list of things you want to do, but don't normally have time to do. Is the holiday a good time to do some, or all, of these things? Is there a book you want to read? Is there a recipe you want to try? Is there a room you want to organize?
If you find yourself single and alone during the holidays, give yourself the greatest gift of all: Acceptance -- where you are right now is where you need to be. And then make the most of your day alone! Do things you could not do with others. Soak in the tub. Read a book. Meditate. Write a poem.
At the end of the day, you might find that the single holiday was your favorite one so far.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Worry Guidelines for a Noisy World
With the onslaught of political ads (thank God they are almost over), the Facebook reports of problems and issues, and our own daily needs, it can be overwhelming deciding where to place our energies.
Everything we worry about or take up as a concern requires our energy, and for the time that we are focusing on that problem -- ours or someone else's -- we are diverted from doing anything else.
In this multimedia age, where we are sensually assaulted everywhere we turn -- by radio, TV, billboards, Facebook, email, etc. -- it is easy to become overwhelmed, and feel that we don't have enough energy or time to do everything we need to do.
If we are trying to process all of the above (all Facebook posts, all advertisements, texts, emails, and so on), we probably DON'T have enough energy or time. We all have a finite amount of money, emotional and spiritual energy and physical resources. Learning to conserve those resources and decide when and where to use them could mean the difference between having what we need and burning out.
I believe the secret to peace in a raucous world is proper filtering.
A few conscious guidelines can help us manage where we choose to apply our time and energies.
When we see disturbing images or hear or horrific, sad events, we have a choice to make. Should we engage our emotions, and spend the next hour reading about events on the other side of the world? If these are events over which we have no control or influence, it might be best to say a prayer for those who are suffering, make a donation if possible and then move on.
Focusing our time and emotions on tragedies elsewhere can cause us to miss the beauties that are before us, the gifts that are in our own lives now.
We cannot take on the sorrow and tragedy of the whole world. And we should not feel guilty for recognizing this, and taking steps to care for ourselves by conserving and applying our own resources in a conscious way.
Therefore, I propose some guidelines for worry and anxiety in a noisy world.
1. When an event or situation comes to your attention, ask yourself: Does this affect me directly? Is this MY problem? If the answer is yes, take appropriate action.
2. If the answer is no, the next question is, how should I respond? You may decide to say a prayer, make a donation, or do nothing.
It is easy to get pulled into other peoples' dramas on Facebook. If these are your friends and/or family, and your are being consulted for your opinion or need to make a decision, then you may need to participate.
But I think far too many of us get engaged in dramas that are not our own. We see pictures of people we know, expressing turmoil or problems about which they are NOT consulting us, and we engage. We start thinking and feeling about what we need to do, or what we would say. If we are not being consulted by others, these are not our problems.
In martial arts and other forms of combat, one effective technique that mature fighters learn is to let the opponent do the work. Sometimes, if you just stand there, the other person will come to you and this saves your own energy. Also, quite often, you can simply move laterally when someone charges you. By exerting minimum energies, you move out of the way of harm, avoiding engagement.
Learning to hold back and control energy is an important skill and can serve us well not only in martial arts, but in relationships, time management and any other area where we are deciding how much we need to engage.
Today, when you see the hundreds of Facebook posts advising you to vote, or expounding upon the issues of suffering in the world, pull back into yourself. Do not get automatically pulled in. Determine what is yours, and what is not yours. Be compassionate, but remember to be compassionate to yourself, also.
Make a conscious decision about what you will, and won't, give your time and energies to.
If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
At the end of the day, if you have lived consciously, you are more likely to have peace than if you allowed your surroundings to control you, dictating your focus. Make the decision to take control of your time and your energies. Filter what you see, read, and think about. Perhaps you need to filter your Facebook posts. Perhaps you need to drop a TV show. Perhaps you need to take a walk.
Make the choice. It's your life.
Everything we worry about or take up as a concern requires our energy, and for the time that we are focusing on that problem -- ours or someone else's -- we are diverted from doing anything else.
In this multimedia age, where we are sensually assaulted everywhere we turn -- by radio, TV, billboards, Facebook, email, etc. -- it is easy to become overwhelmed, and feel that we don't have enough energy or time to do everything we need to do.
If we are trying to process all of the above (all Facebook posts, all advertisements, texts, emails, and so on), we probably DON'T have enough energy or time. We all have a finite amount of money, emotional and spiritual energy and physical resources. Learning to conserve those resources and decide when and where to use them could mean the difference between having what we need and burning out.
I believe the secret to peace in a raucous world is proper filtering.
A few conscious guidelines can help us manage where we choose to apply our time and energies.
When we see disturbing images or hear or horrific, sad events, we have a choice to make. Should we engage our emotions, and spend the next hour reading about events on the other side of the world? If these are events over which we have no control or influence, it might be best to say a prayer for those who are suffering, make a donation if possible and then move on.
Focusing our time and emotions on tragedies elsewhere can cause us to miss the beauties that are before us, the gifts that are in our own lives now.
We cannot take on the sorrow and tragedy of the whole world. And we should not feel guilty for recognizing this, and taking steps to care for ourselves by conserving and applying our own resources in a conscious way.
Therefore, I propose some guidelines for worry and anxiety in a noisy world.
1. When an event or situation comes to your attention, ask yourself: Does this affect me directly? Is this MY problem? If the answer is yes, take appropriate action.
2. If the answer is no, the next question is, how should I respond? You may decide to say a prayer, make a donation, or do nothing.
It is easy to get pulled into other peoples' dramas on Facebook. If these are your friends and/or family, and your are being consulted for your opinion or need to make a decision, then you may need to participate.
But I think far too many of us get engaged in dramas that are not our own. We see pictures of people we know, expressing turmoil or problems about which they are NOT consulting us, and we engage. We start thinking and feeling about what we need to do, or what we would say. If we are not being consulted by others, these are not our problems.
In martial arts and other forms of combat, one effective technique that mature fighters learn is to let the opponent do the work. Sometimes, if you just stand there, the other person will come to you and this saves your own energy. Also, quite often, you can simply move laterally when someone charges you. By exerting minimum energies, you move out of the way of harm, avoiding engagement.
Learning to hold back and control energy is an important skill and can serve us well not only in martial arts, but in relationships, time management and any other area where we are deciding how much we need to engage.
Today, when you see the hundreds of Facebook posts advising you to vote, or expounding upon the issues of suffering in the world, pull back into yourself. Do not get automatically pulled in. Determine what is yours, and what is not yours. Be compassionate, but remember to be compassionate to yourself, also.
Make a conscious decision about what you will, and won't, give your time and energies to.
If you don't take care of yourself, who will?
At the end of the day, if you have lived consciously, you are more likely to have peace than if you allowed your surroundings to control you, dictating your focus. Make the decision to take control of your time and your energies. Filter what you see, read, and think about. Perhaps you need to filter your Facebook posts. Perhaps you need to drop a TV show. Perhaps you need to take a walk.
Make the choice. It's your life.
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