Social Media, Perception and Dishonesty

Our society puts a lot of value upon image.  Therefore, others' perceptions of us (their image of us) will influence how we are treated.

Science has shown that those who have symmetrical features are considered the most beautiful, and receive advantages in society.  Those who are the most beautiful are often viewed as being intelligent and having other positive traits.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness

In the past few years, social media has offered a way for each of us to manage others' perceptions of us -- including people we have never actually met in person.  The stories abound of catfishing -- that is, those who believe they are talking with a person who looks a certain way and then upon meeting that person, find out their virutal acquaintance is not nearly as attractive as they were led to believe.  This is achieved with false pictures and a desire to present oneself as beautiful -- then reap the rewards of the beautiful, at least temporarily.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)

I don't believe anyone is totally honest or open on Facebook.  It would not be wise to put your whole life on an internet driven site.  Therefore, everyone is editing, to some degree, what is viewed by others on their pages.

I have noticed that most posts are about positive things -- accomplishments, social events, family gatherings, and so forth -- the kinds of things that can yield praise from others.

I have noticed that when some people who might be experiencing difficulties post about their problems, they sometimes receive advice that is not so much helpful as it is irritating.  I think this is in part because people don't want to read about negative things that other people are experiencing.  In part, I think this is because there is nothing they can do about it, and perhaps they are uncomfortable just saying, "I'm sorry, is there anything we can do?" 

In other words, as long as you post happy things, all is well.  If you post difficult things, be prepared for mixed reactions and even misunderstanding.

I have found the best way to manage difficult discussions on Facebook is through private groups -- limit your personal sharings to those you trust.

I also think it is worth considering that perhaps you don't need to read all about others' lives--especially if you start feeling like there's something wrong with you because you don't have a bevy of beautiful, sparkly friends, and a perfect family.  Just remember--the people posting those things don't have perfection, either -- they are posting what they are comfortable sharing, and they are managing others' perceptions of them.

It is also worth remembering that people are not posting pictures of themselves without makeup, at their worst point of the day -- they are posting their best pics, usually hoping for compliments.  Therefore, to compare yourself to others on Facebook is to do yourself a disservice.  No one looks like their best pics all the time.  (See Stars Without Makeup pics.)

I have gotten liberal about deleting profiles of people from my friends' list who feel the need to use Facebook as a negative campaign for issues about which I can do nothing, or to scold others who don't believe the way they do.  Life is too short.   Reading all that junk, and cluttering up my mind, and perhaps even getting upset even for a minute is time lost I can never get back.

So remember:  You should control your Facebook, and what you post, and who views it.  Extra personal things are probably best posted privately to a private audience.  And most importantly:  Remember that everyone else is not living the perfect lives they portray on Facebook.